


You Can't Waltz to the Warblers

by PunkArsenic



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-03 01:39:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4081582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunkArsenic/pseuds/PunkArsenic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Happy birthday Hogwarts! 1000 years old calls for celebration, by means of a ball. Of course, balls require dancing, which may come naturally to some like Sirius, but for others... not so much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Waltz to the Warblers

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is based in the summer of their 4th year, remus came out as a bisexual trans boy last december.
> 
> previously titled 'you cant dance to the warblers' that was a typo

Sirius woke, as usual, hanging by his ankles in the centre of the dormitory. James had taken up the habit of gracing his friends with sneak attacks this term, "healthy practice" he called it - Sirius called it a pain in the arse.  
     Unlike Peter, who kicked and wriggled beside him, Sirius put up no protest but simply let the blood rush to his head wake him up. He sighed, clapping sarcastically as James fell about in peals of laughter. Meanwhile, Remus lay comfortably in bed, trying to look stern, but began giggling before he could scold him.  
    Sirius picked up an every flavour bean that had been discarded to go stale on the floor and threw it lightly at Remus. It hit him squarely between the eyes. "You’re supposed to be a prefect!" Sirius snapped, but his mouth curled into a smirk.

  In the kerfuffle, the boys lost track of time and barely made it to breakfast in time, still straightening robes and flattening down hair. Just as Sirius had shoved an entire fried egg in his mouth without realising it was far too hot, every Gryffindor from fourth year up was bustled from the table and into a classroom with a clear stone floor.  
    Everyone knew what was coming, they had known about this since September; this year was Hogwarts’ 1000 year anniversary, and naturally would be celebrated with a school-wide dance. (Well, two, since Dumbledore decided the lower years should have their own younger party with no alcohol and a bed time.)  
    Before the dance itself, it was generally assumed there would be dance lessons, lest they embarrass themselves and their house. It was also generally assumed they would be awkward and embarrassing. However, for the Marauders, this was a perfect opportunity for a laugh.  
     A handful of girls squabbled around Sirius, until he reminded them that this wouldn't affect who he actually took in the slightest and pushed past them. He meandered through the crowd, now beginning to practice, past Snape and James squabbling over an irritated Lily, and leant on the cool stone wall beside Remus.

  "I've been worrying about this," he mumbled, looking forlorn, "I've got two left feet."

Sirius nudged him, "Oh come on, you just haven't the experience. I mean, where would you end up dancing?"

Remus frowned at him, "My parents made me do ballroom for 3 years. I spend half that time on my arse, and the other half on someone's toes."

"Nah I bet it was just a bad teacher, or the wrong partner. Let’s see... ah!" Sirius pointed, then dragged Remus over to a girl dancing with a boy far taller than her. he pulled them apart, putting her hand into Remus', "Excuse me, Florence, I think you'll find Remus is closer to your height and it’ll be easier to practice together."

They both stared at him, bemused, "Black, if this is another one of-"

  "No no," he waved off Florence's accusation carelessly, drifting off, "Just practice! Don't get any ideas!" he called back.

  The next hour of practice was a grim and tiresome one, interrupted only by accepting the odd dance with some girl he couldn't name, or a delightful game of 'how foolish can I make Snivellus look in one spell'. It turns out Remus did in fact have two left feet, and two left hands and two left everything else - he was terrible!

   He stumbled over the stones, bumping into people everywhere he went and mumbling apologies. His head was bent as he stared at his feet and whispered the count, not that it did him much good. Florence's face was creased with displeasure and she gazed wistfully at her previous partner, now sat at the side and laughing - that is, until he found his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth.

 

Remus rested his head flat on the grimy desk at the back of history of magic, letting his eyes lose focus as they stared at a piece of particularly stubborn graffiti, "I’m fucked."

  Sirius waved off his friend's concern as if it were a pesky fly, "It was that Florence girl, she was distracted, making you nervous."

Remus stared at him, his eyebrows creased with exasperation, "Don't lie to me! If we all just accept that I'm king clutz the humiliation'll hurt less."

"You could just, y'know, not go," James suggested, flinging bits of paper off his ruler absentmindedly.

   "What, and stay up in the common room all alone? While you lot get wasted?" Remus leant closer to James, squinting, and hissed, "Who are you and what have you done with James?"

"I dont think you have to dance," Peter muttered.

Remus huffed, throwing himself back in his chair, resigning himself to staring at the ceiling for the remainder of the hour.

 He had almost drifted into a doze when he felt a slip of parchment shoved into his left hand.

 

_'i have a plan, meet me in the dormitory @ lunch. don't tell the others, they'll fuck it up - padfoot'_

 

Remus raised an eyebrow at Sirius, who simply got up and left with the James and Peter, tousling Remus' hair as he went.

 

Remus skipped lunch, reassuring his protesting stomach that he'll visit the kitchen later. He had noticed Sirius had already disappeared by the time he ditched James and Peter at the door to the hall. It was rude to keep him waiting. He entered the dormitory to find Sirius with his back to him, kicking empty sweet boxes and dirty clothes under the beds. Remus coughed.  
  Sirius spun on his heel, smiling, "That was quick, skip lunch entirely?"

 "That's an odd way to clean up," he nodded to a pair of briefs now thrown across the windowsill, Sirius shrugged,

"I usually have elves or, well, Peter for this stuff."

"So whats this all about?"

Sirius threw his hands in the air, "Dance lessons!"

Remus burst into laughter. he stifled himself upon seeing Sirius' sulking face, "What, you serious?"

"Well, I'm hardly James, am I? Yes I'm serious! I'm the best there is! In this school anyway."

  "How will it be different with you than with Florence or Raven or whoever?"

  "Oh theyre all stuck up old stiffs, they don't dance they just... walk graciously."

 Remus struggled not to laugh at his friend, shaking his head and staring at his feet.

    "Oh come on! Just try?" Sirius held out his hand to him, pouting. Remus sighed and begrudgingly took the hand, sidling into the middle of the room.  
      Sirius flicked his wand and music started playing from a record player on his bed, "That’s a little fast for a waltz isn't it?" Remus said.

  "Oh, I'm not starting with that! That's boring! Besides, once the party gets going I hear they've got the Warblers in! The fucking Warblers! You can't waltz to that anywho."

  "Okay, so, what are we going to learn?"

  "It’s called Finklefoot's Jig, watch my feet," Sirius did a 4 step dance move resembling a hop, skip, and a jump, counting the moves aloud for Remus' guidance, "See? Easy, but right fun if you get the hang of it - which you will. Now c'mon,"

He took Remus' other hand, and started repeating the moves over and over. Slowly, while saying, "One two three four. Back, front, hop, twist!"

  Hesitantly, Remus joined in. at first, he lagged behind, tripping over his own feet and apologising morosely.

Sirius laughed, "Quit apologising! You're getting the hang of it and everything!" He hooked his arm around Remus' and spun them around once before carrying on, "Just go with it."

He seemed to take his advice, jumping higher and laughing at his own mistakes, even daring to lift his head to face Sirius now and then. His hair was falling into his eyes and a grin pulled his small face wide.

The Warblers' hit single 'Full Moon Anarchy' came on and they sang along, hilariously off key and bursting with laughter as they spun around the room, jumping so hard they could swear they felt the floor shake.

 

_'You got that look in your eye and they go-'_

Remus howled along to the last note, throwing back his head and incidentally tripping. They fell back onto a bed in peals of laughter.

The record began skipping and Sirius raised his head to fix it, but found himself stunned by how close their faces had come.

   He could see every blemish on Remus' imperfectly perfect face, every freckle and zit. He could count every uncannily long eyelash and he could feel his soft brown hair fall against his own forehead. the laughter Petered out.  
   Remus slid off him, focusing on getting the hair out of his eyes. Sirius propped himself up on his elbows and watched him, picking at a hangnail nervously. Remus coughed and looked up, "The waltz. It’ll come first, It’ll probably be the most embarrassing. Uh," he looked at his watch, "Is there time?"  
     Sirius glanced at the wall clock, swearing under his breath, "No, that'll take longer." He jumped up, clapping his hands together, "This was good though! See, you're not just walking gracefully now - or, well, extremely un-gracefully as the case had been," he patted Remus on the shoulder as he walked towards the door, "Divinations next, by the way."  
       He jumped back a moment later and flicked his wand at the record player, "See if we can't sneak up here this evening – It’ll be empty again probably," he winked at Remus, then hurried off to class.

 

To suggest the pair did not know exactly what they were doing would be a lie so blatant, even the world's greatest occlumens would be caught out. To imply, however, that they refused to admit it to themselves even in the privacy of their own heads would be more accurate.  
    Sirius sat with James for Divination, leaving Remus with Peter; the most hopeless of the bunch. He distanced himself by a good row of tables, yet found himself spending the majority of his time sneaking covert glances at the small, mild boy now hurrying to repair a dropped crystal ball.  
In potions, their hands met over ingredients and they both pulled back as if they had just touched hot coals. Sirius grinned into his bubbling serum, safely hidden by a curtain of silky black hair.  
    He went around the day, he found, in a sort of paradoxical daze; while his head felt like it could float off at any second, there was a heavy pit in his stomach, and a small flock of butterflies. It was confusing, to say the very least.

 

  Sirius rummaged through the few records he had considered it safe to take to school, searching hurriedly for an appropriate waltz. It had been much harder to ditch the others this time; they had been planning on picking up an order of dungbombs from the owlery together, in the end he had to claim to have unbearable pains in his stomach and detoured past the infirmary. He was only half lying, anyway.  
    He found himself at a loss for a waltz, since his taste very much preferred faster music than that, including dabs into muggle trends known as 'Disco.' He resigned to borrowing James' radio, flipping through stations of static until he found something not good but at least bearable.  
 It was one of those tacky love songs that would be repeated for years to come by numerous singers of little talent, but it had the beat. It would have to do for now.  
  He heard the door click closed and turned around to find Remus leant against it. He raised his eyebrows, sidling into the middle of the room, "Oh, yeah... its all I could find. It’s shit, I know," Sirius tucked his hair behind his ears and stood, "We should start right away."

Remus nodded and put a tentative hand on Sirius' shoulder, whose hands fell into place expertly, but had to guide Remus' other hand to his waist. They both exhaled, and it was as if the anxiety had left them like hot air.

_‘oh come and stir my cauldron,_   
_and if you do it right_   
_I’ll boil you up some hot, strong love_   
_To keep you warm tonight’_

They watched their feet as they waltzed about the small dormitory, both keeping count. Sirius kept a firm grasp on Remus, guiding him seamlessly. He dared to look up, staring at the straw-like fringe, "You're really getting the hang of it, Remus."  
  Remus risked a glance up to him, flashing a smile, then turned intently back to his feet. Sirius caught his chin and lifted it with a finger, keeping Remus' head raised, "There's no need for that. You're with me; nothing can go wrong."  
  Remus glanced once down at his feet, then kept his eyes fixed on Sirius. They slowed with the song, growing ever closer without noticing. As it faded into a slower melody, they found themselves with their heads on each other's shoulders. Sirius closed his eyes.  
     Had he left them open, he would have seen Peter tumble into the room and then shuffle back out. Had he not been so enthralled in the moment, he would have heard the shuffling, the fast exchange of words, the thud of stairs being ran down. As it was, he was blissfully unaware.  
    Bliss was an accurate word to describe the moment, in which it felt as if the world ended at those four walls, and that they were the only creatures to ever live and breathe. Everything else was void.

_‘oh my poor heart, where has it gone?_  
_It’s left me for a spell...’_

"Will you go with me to the Anniversary Ball?"

Sirius tripped, opening his eyes. he had known it was coming; the words had been forming upon his own tongue as well, but it didn’t keep his heart from thumping protests, "What, like, as friends?" he stammered.

  Remus stopped still. He didn't move his arms or his head; just stood perfectly still. Sirius pulled him to arm's length to find his head was lowered again, "For a laugh, right?"

Remus laughed, shaking his head and glancing up with an odd kind of half smile. "Ridiculous," he breathed incredulously as he tugged himself out of Sirius' grasp and stamped to the door.

_‘... and now you’ve torn it quite apart_   
_I’ll thank you to give me back my heart!’_

  Sirius stared, mouth slack, mind reeling, at the slammed door. The room filled with radio static.

 

  Sirius flung himself down the stairs, barely touching a single step in a segment, and skidded to a halt at the doorway. His knees threatened to give way as he watched the back of Remus head leave the portrait hole.  
     He looked to James and Peter sat by the fire, "’Says he's got 'homework,' he don’t half know how to throw a sulk. Almost as bad as you!"  
    Sirius collapsed into a chair, dragging his hands down his face. His head no longer felt light, now it was a dead weight on his shoulders, on fire.  
   James nudged Peter, they both snickered. James turned backwards in his chair and hugged himself to mimic two people kissing, "Oh Lupin, sweet Lupin, nobody can compare to your wolfy charm!"

"Sirius!" piped in Peter, "I'm so attracted to your flamboyant ego and hyper-conservative family! Run away with me so your mother doesn't-" both their tongues swelled three sizes too big for their mouths.

Sirius stared at them, stony faced, "You saw." they nodded, "You tell anyone?" they shook their heads. He sighed, "You went too far. Apologise or fuck off to the infirmary." They both made noises that had to be assumed to be apologies, and with a flick of his wand their tongues were back to normal.

"So," James drew his chair closer, leaning on his knees, "Are you? I mean, we knew Remus was..." he made a 2 tone whistle, " _Everyone_ knows Remus is..." Peter made the same, "But you too?" Sirius slouched in his chair, avoiding their eyes. He shrugged. "I mean, I'm not judging! If I was like that I wouldn't be friends with Remus still, I'm just wondering." he shrugged again. James nodded, "So... do you like me?"

  "Hasn’t he made it pretty obvious he likes Lupin?" Peter asked.

  "Fuck’s sake!" Sirius threw up his arms, "Are you two so far up your own arseholes you can't see I'm upset?!"

  "Oh... uh, sorry mate," James patted his hand awkwardly, "What happened?"      
  
  Sirius stared at them, measuring his odds, before sighing, "He asked me to the ball and I panicked."

"So he likes you... back?"

"Do you not like him?"

  "I..." he shrugged again, "I guess? I suppose. Yeah. But it's just..."

"Don’t say it."

"Mate..."

  "What would my mother think?" James and Peter booed at him, "No honestly! I could get kicked out!"

"How would she _ever_ find out?"

"Uh hello?" Sirius scowled at him, "Regulus black, anyone??"

"Oh yeah, like _he's_ coming to the party. Guy’s a loser!"

 Sirius smiled, picking at a loose thread on the arm of his chair, "Yeah... So you really think it's safe?"

"Oh yes!" said James, resting a hand on Sirius shoulder, "And if the old hag does kick you out, I’ve got a spare bedroom!"

  Sirius winced, apprehensive, then turned his gaze to the portrait hole, "Doesn’t matter much now I've pissed him off."

"Evidently you need to apologise. I’d recommend flowers, chocolates, you know... Hey, where you going?"

"Where do you think?" Sirius replied as he disappeared into the corridor.

 

 Remus' head was stooped low over his book on advanced potions, so that his hair brushed against the pages. His silence was broken by a sniff every minute or so. His hand drew a quill idly over spare parchment in sporadic spells of smooth lines and frustrated scrawls.  
    Sirius stood and watched, silent. He wrung his hands, tucked his hair behind his ears, checked his transfigured flowers had not turned back into broken quills, anything to stall this awkward encounter.

"I know you're there, by the way," Remus muttered.

Sirius jumped, glanced around cautiously, then sat down across from Remus, pushing the flowers under his nose, "James's idea. I couldn’t get real ones so those are transfigured. They- they're your favourite, right?" he nudged the handful of fresh cornflowers closer.  
    Remus didn't make any indication that he was acknowledging Sirius, still scribbling and reading. He huffed and brushed the flowers out of the way.

"This is rather melodra-”

    "Can you just be straight with me?" Remus looked up at him, quill digging into the parchment.

"I-I-I-" Sirius spluttered, grasping for words, "Straight?"

"Frank. Clear. Honest. Not a flamboyant enigmatic prick? Is any of this getting through to you?"

Sirius nodded slowly, "You think I... Wait. No, did you... Uh..."

   "You’ve been acting weird since I came out last Christmas. I mean, not weird like James and Peter - that was banter, right? You just..." he sighed, raising his eyebrows.

"I came here to apologise, by the way."

  "For what? because honestly," Remus hissed, "I don’t even know _what_ that was!"

  "Is 'that' the, um, the dance or the, uh,"

"All of it! All of... this!" he flicked a hand at Sirius, who mumbled more, lowering his head a tad, "You never stutter, or mumble, or act nervous! So what is it? What's so blinking _troubling_ about me that you lose your grip all of a sudden?"

"Mister Lupin!" the old librarian, professor Flenkton, had shuffled over, "I have never _heard_ such a racket from you!"

  "Sorry, professor," Remus stood up, nodding politely and picking up his book, "I think I should leave for the night," he brushed past, leaving the library without as much as a glance back.

   Sirius stared at the parchment Remus had carelessly left, a sinking feeling engulfing him.

 

  The following week, despite being the hottest so far that year, had a frosty atmosphere, made worse by James' goads that he still didn't have a date to the anniversary ball. Sirius wondered how things went so wrong.  
     James cornered him staring at Remus across the common room, his quill slowly bleeding onto his homework. "Seriously? You’re not even trying!"

"It’s not due in ages."

"Not that! _Lupin_! You’re not even trying and, frankly, I'm fed up with it! Everything’s dead boring with you two moping. And what do we do when it's, y'know..." he leant in closer, lowering his voice, " _That time of the month_."

"I think if I persist too much It’ll only drive him away, though."

"Well you thought wrong, obviously! He knows you're not trying! What's the problem?"

  "Whenever I try I just end up spluttering everywhere, It's just strange!"

  "It’s gay, that's what it is. Fine then," James grabbed parchment and quill, "I’ll script you! 'Remus, first of all I am sorry.' That’s always a good start, eh? 'Whenever I am around you, I start to feel really shy and lose all my senses. James says this is because I am very gay-'"

"Oh take this seriously, will you!"

  "What? Oh alright." he scratched out the last line, “‘James says it's because I love-’”

  "Like!"

  James huffed, "' _Like_ you very much. I want to go to the ball with you, please don't sulk. By the way, incase it wasn't clear, yes I am very very gay.'" he slapped the parchment down triumphantly, "There! Go win him!"

Sirius rolled his eyes and dragged his feet off across the room, speeding up when he saw Remus' hand move towards his bag, "Wait!" Remus looked up at him, "Remus," his eyes flicked from the parchment to Remus frantically, but no more than a whisper left his lips. He licked them and furrowed his brow with concentration, "Remus-"

  "Oh, just give it here!" He snatched the parchment from Sirius impatiently, "This is James's handwriting. So he knows? Does Peter know? Is this all a big joke or what?" Sirius nodded, then shook his head frantically, "What, and forgiving you will make you go back to normal?" Sirius shrugged, "This is so surreal. You’re all... this, not because I'm gay, but because you-”

  "Can I sit down?"

  "Oh you can talk now? Yeah." Remus kicked the chair out for him, and Sirius sat down across from him at the small wallside table, tapping on the edge nervously, "But I want you to say it for yourself."

  "Huh? Say what?"

  "That you're gay. You can also say aloud that you like me if you want."

  "What? Why?" Sirius leant forward on the table, frowning.

  "Coming to terms," Remus shrugged, "Go on."

  "Okaaay..." he sighed, not understanding in the slightest, but he wasn’t going to risk anything now. He spread his hands out on the table and looked Remus dead on, "I'm gay. Happy? I am... the gayest little gaylord to every walk his gay feet across this threshold, _and_ I like you. Happy?"

"Definitely," he smiled, and when he smiled he bit down on his lip and ducked his head; he always did this. Sirius was mesmerised. Everything suddenly felt unfathomably easy, as if he could do absolutely anything he wanted just for a moment, and it was perfect.

 

 The dance came, and the dance went, and James was right; Regulus wasn't there. And Sirius was right; you just can't waltz to the Warblers.

 


End file.
